medusaceratops-deactivated20210:

jorge-ryan:

medusaceratops-deactivated20210:

i know there’s a ton of Good Character Development reasons for percy to keep the curse of achilles but consider, the bullshit reasons

• the hephaestus cabin used to make automatons for archery classes to fire at to get practice with moving targets, but it became a game for the apollo cabin and the ares cabin to see who could destroy the most automatons, and the hephaestus cabin went on strike. lee fletcher, head counselor at the time and also the resident archery instructor, went to chiron and started begging for a solution. chiron wants to be the person who says, “fix it yourself,” but it’s his job to train heroes, which is how chiron ends up digging out his old horse armor and spraypaints a red bullseye over the hindquarter piece and runs around getting fired at by teenagers and tweens. do you know how many times a pisses off kid “accidentally” missed the armor? and then percy takes on the curse of achilles, and now percy and chiron take shifts getting fired at by teenagers and tweens because percy doesn’t know how to say no. they give percy chest/back armor spraypainted with a bullseye, as is tradition. this sometimes devolves into percy going, “hey will? can you shoot me in the eye with an arrow. i’m invulnerable but like, how invulnerable,” and then will does it and percy falls over like I WASN’T PREPARED FOR IT TO NOT HURT I WASN’T PREPARED FOR HOW WEIRD THAT WAS GOING TO FEEL, WILL CAN YOU DO THAT AGAIN
• he’s banned from capture the flag because having percy on your team is emphatically unfair. percy doesn’t like being banned from capture the flag, so he makes his own job for capture the flag, which is that he sneaks in and fucks with the teams while they play. absolutely no fighting, just pure “i wonder how necessary the stream is to the team’s battle strategy. what if it moved” or “would suck, if the hephaestus cabin’s war machines stopped working.” he can’t win but he can make it really hard for everyone else to. the camp counselor meeting over this particular issue is a shitshow, and it ends when katie gardiner throws a can of cheese whiz at annabeth for implying that the demeter kids couldn’t beat her cabin at anything, up to and including dance dance revolution. chiron wakes up the next day to an official petition nailed to the big house door, demanding rights to dance dance revolution. this post is not about DDR, but for the sake of being right, i am telling you that nico would win DDR in an absolute landslide. my reasoning: the lotus casino had to have gotten DDR at some point, and nico, under full sway of the spell, did not realize there was anything weird about this game. he’s had a fuckton of practice. he’s basically unbeatable.
• percy would lose round one of DDR, but again, this post is not about DDR. maybe it should be, considering i have weirdly intense opinions about demigod dance dance revolution. DDDR.
• clarisse goes, “your face can’t break most swords, can it,” and percy’s like, “what the fuck do you mean, my face can’t break most swords? it’s the curse of achilles. the point is that my face can break most swords. maybe even all swords,” and that’s how clarisse pisses off the hephaestus cabin permanently by breaking seven swords on percy’s face before jake mason interrupts, screaming, “WHO DO YOU THINK MAKES THE SWORDS, LA RUE?” and once again the hephaestus kids go on strike. to smooth things over with jake, percy chills at the forges for a while doing menial tasks because he can’t be burned while doing them. it becomes a game for campers to ask percy to hold boiling hot metal. they’re teenagers, superpowers are cool. percy’s just relieved he can’t set himself on fire anymore, because getting burned alive in a volcano sucked.
• percy can eat his mom’s cookies directly out of the oven and it can’t hurt him, and no mere mortal knows the joy of burning hot cookies. they taste better when they would scald anyone else’s mouth.
• thalia practicing lightning summoning with percy, or rather on percy, and guess what, that shit tickles? it tickles, but in your internal organs, it tickles. it’s the weirdest fucking feeling. thalia’s like WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING and percy’s like I JUST NEED A SECOND…… I JUST NEED A SECOND
• i think it should be a thing that when someone pisses off their biggest rival at camp and gets chased around with a weapon, they hide behind percy. not just because he has the curse of achilles, he also happens to be kind of a cool dude. he makes good conversation, while standing between you and a six foot spear being wielded by the person you dumped a can of paint on.
• everyone kind of forgets to tell the new campers and one new kid who is a little bit of a pissant tries to attack percy while his back is turned, after a swordfighting class where percy tells him he can’t just be a dick. the sword breaks on percy’s shoulder. percy pretends not to notice, because percy can have a little fun, as a treat. the new kid lives in Fear
• percy sleeps through the boring camp counselor meetings because Curse Of Achilles Naps, so chiron learns that if he frames an idea in the most boring fashion possible and then asks a half-asleep percy if he agrees, percy will just say yes automatically. he’ll have at least one instant vote of support, even if the rest of the counselors are dicks about it.
• i think annabeth would spend a lot of time practicing dance dance revolution, as someone who is naturally competitive and hates being beaten. i just had to get that out there.

• Eventually, as a compromise to everyone not wanting Percy on the other team and Percy complaining about not being able to join in, “Capture the Flag” turns into “Capture the Percy”, where Chiron just ties a flag to Percy’s back and lets the rest of the Camp loose on him. The game lasts until someone grabs the flag off his back or he takes an Achilles Nap™ and forfeits the match.

THAT’S FUCKING FUNNY AS HELL AKJFLAKSHGKLAHGKDSHGHASLDGSAH